Hot! Hot! Hot! Valentine’s day edition

Yes, it might be a holiday that’s built around consumerism, but if you’re lucky (or unlucky) enough to have a beau, you’ll probably want to honour all those warm and fuzzy feelings with a token of your appreciation — some may call it a gift. Some may say we’re struggling with what to write in this introduction. Feeling like you might want to bin off your significant other? Then it’s a lovely parting gift isn’t it.

For her

Jewellery, perfume, clobber of varying prices, sex toys (“Lynn, these are sex people,”) or skimpy undies — whatever you choose, treat your lady right on the 14th. Don’t do what my ex did and go into the Hamley’s at London Bridge and buy me a soft toy. He did this years in a row. He did this on my birthday, too. I hate him.

For him

Word to the wise — don’t buy anything that taps into his sure to be short-lived new hobby. He will not be into bouldering two months down the line, I promise.