Why you’re hotter when you’re single

When my older sister split up with her husband and partner of ten years, it seemed like the acne she’d been battling for the whole, entire year they’d been married disappeared overnight. The wedding might have been a waste of money — but at least she didn’t have to fork out on microneedling, hey? It was after this debacle that she got wind of the ‘is my body rejecting him’ trend on TikTok. If you’re not familiar, a quick search on the app will hit you back with almost fifty million posts of (mostly) women saying how, now they’re single, they’re looking and feeling hotter than ever. In one particularly viral video by content creator Alexis Dimaya, she details some of the physical symptoms a woman might experience from being with the wrong guy. Along with some pretty nasty ones like chronic UTIs and tummy problems — we’ll leave those to the doctors — she says, “Say your skin was clear and you’re breaking out when you’re with this guy now, he’s not meant for you”. 

Now, we know that TikTok isn’t always the most reliable source of information. But what’s tenderly been termed on the app as ‘love acne’ is actually a real thing. To preface, there’s nothing wrong with being spotty. It’s merely a Capitalist viewpoint that makes us feel bad about ourselves and buy things. The reality is, though, if we can avoid acne, most of us will. According to Dr Sophie Shotter, founder of the Illuminate Skin Clinic, one of the reasons people get acne in bad relationships is stress. “Living in such a toxic environment means our stress hormones are raised, and this plays huge havoc on our skin,” she tells me. Then, when it comes to the actual breakup period, things can annoyingly get worse before they get better. “We may find we get breakouts or even age very quickly when we’re going through such a traumatic time,” she says. Luckily, though, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel — eventually, the skin gets better than it was to start off with: “Often just moving away from the emotional stress is the best thing you can do.”

Aside from skin, something else that often crops up when people become single is they develop a nice little gym routine. As one single twenty-something tells me: “You have more mental space for yourself, so you then invest the time in doing activities — I’m like, cool, I’ll go for an extra pilates class or I’ll go to the gym because I’m more free now.” And it’s not just about the physical aspect. Though, realistically, most of us aren’t getting a pilates body from pigging out on takeaways and going on restaurant dates with someone’s son. The nice thing about doing a wee bit of exercise is that it actually makes you feel good (Lord knows most of us need all the endorphins we can get). “Now I don’t have to work so hard to find time for myself,” our pilates enthusiast continues. “It’s just a given. You have more time to invest in yourself and you feel more confident.”

The same thing can be said about dress sense. When you’ve convinced yourself that someone is going to love you forever, most of us put in a little less effort in the wardrobe department. Another single source tells me: “You get complacent in relationships because you think the person will love you regardless.” Even though that should be the case (and people, usually, aren’t getting dumped for wearing ugly clothes), sometimes it’s got more to do with knowing what makes us feel good in our clothes. “I started dressing so much more like myself [after the break-up],” my source continues. “Often when you’re in a relationship, you start dressing like your partner — it’s kind of like a love language when you wear their clothes, but that’s not necessarily your style.” When you’re single, then, it’s easier to figure out what feels authentic to you. “My ex dressed in a really muted, androgynous way,” she adds. “I lost touch with the feminine side of my style, which is what makes me feel attractive.”

As we touched on earlier with exercise, a lot of our what we call a ‘glow-up’ simply comes from having more time for yourself. As someone who’s actually lived with their boyfriend for over three years, I can attest to the fact that I spend most of my evenings with said boyfriend, and not doing things like plucking my eyebrows or, honestly, bothering to wash my hair. I definitely don’t have time to wrack up a great Goodreads score or however people quantify self-improvement these days. This is an area single people can excel in, though. “A new haircut, a manicure, some new colourful clothes or even a change of routine, diet or friendship group” are a few of the things break-up coach Sara Davison recommends as part of a single glow-up. “These all help you to refocus on you, take power back over your emotions, rediscover what makes you tick and, importantly, what you want from your next chapter.”

So, what’s the point in all this? Well, if you don’t have a Valentine this year, that could honestly be a good thing (no shade to my boyfriend, of course). You might not have someone to give you some Sainos roses, but you do have plenty of time to make yourself look and feel hot. If that’s going to pilates and getting some snazzy new clothes, great. If that’s cooking up a storm and watching old episodes of House Wives, that’s also fantastic. In the wise words of our first source: “If I’m not getting that unconditional love and support in the form of a relationship, I should probably try and do that myself.” Too right, pilates girl.