Katy O’Brian is an anti-ingénue

“I don’t feel like a sexy person,” says Katy O’Brian. A lot of lesbians would disagree, but that’s beside the point. “I don’t want to emote sexiness. It doesn’t make me comfortable or happy in my skin.” The actor adjusts the baseball cap she’s wearing, the red brim ripped and thready. It matches the embroidery on her denim jacket. Self-assured but reflective, O’Brian speaks with measured composure. She’s quick to make a cheeky joke, and quick to mention her wife. The couple is waiting for their donor to fill out his paperwork, then they’ll be on their way to starting a family. 

O’Brian’s queer identity has also formed the basis of a career that, last year, saw her star opposite Kristen Stewart in Rose Glass’s Love Lies Bleeding. The actor considers herself to have a “queer physicality” — essentially, she thinks it’s obvious she isn’t straight. “I’ve been told I walk like a lesbian,” she says with a giggle. Because of her bodybuilder background (she competed twice and continues to weightlift), she’s packing more muscle than most women, and her sharp jawline has formed the basis of online conspiracy theories that she was born male. She wasn’t.

When O’Brian first moved to Los Angeles in 2016, she tells me it was “really in fashion” to be androgynous and “ethnically ambiguous” — a term she calls “ridiculous” and outdated. “I think it really did help that I landed in a time where people were looking for that type of look,” she admits. But nine years later, things appear to have changed. In auditions for mainstream movies, her appearance seems to make it “significantly more difficult” to land roles. “A leading lady is definitely not something that a lot of Hollywood producers would see me as for a blockbuster picture, because I don’t have that classic sex appeal,” she says. “I’m also not in my twenties anymore. But I think people struggle to even see me in a mom role.” The actor remains matter-of-fact, but it’s clear the topic is a source of frustration. 

But there are, of course, exceptions to the rule — especially where explicitly queer characters are concerned. Love Lies Bleeding, for example, sees O’Brian play Jackie, an ambitious bodybuilder who gets tangled up in her girlfriend’s criminal connections. It’s a role where the actor’s visible strength was amplified and encouraged. It’s also an example of a project that’s given O’Brian a sense of community in La La Land. This year, she also starred in horror-comedy The Queens of the Dead, whose cast — which includes Jack Haven, Tomás Matos and Dominique Jackson — is almost all LGBTQ+. “The energy on set was so different,” O’Brian says warmly. “I walked away from that with very close friends. We formed a very special, unique bond.” O’Brian credits fellow actor Glen Powell for instilling that same sense of on-set camaraderie while they worked together on Twisters in 2023. He immediately decreed that the cast should go to events and restaurants together. “That brought us all closer,” O’Brian tells me. 

Much like her variable experiences in Hollywood — exasperating one moment and gratifying the next — O’Brian’s path to film and TV was irregular. As well as dabbling in bodybuilding, she spent several years as a police officer before finally committing to acting. The fact was, O’Brian didn’t think she was good enough. As a child, she had an agent, but didn’t book much work. And though she’s since built an impressive list of credits (Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning with Tom Cruise, for example), some of that insecurity persists. “I always feel a bit like a fraud because I didn’t go to a classic school and I didn’t do a ton of stage acting,” she says. “I always feel a weird sense of insecurity.” The actor presses her fingers to her temples before adding, “Like, is there secret knowledge I don’t have?”

In spite of this, O’Brain emphasises that acting still feels like a release. “It’s almost like a drug,” she says pensively. “I feel like I get to play. I feel like a kid. There’s a weird emotional catharsis, too.” Along with acting, she tells me that martial arts and music also give her an outlet. “They’re ways I get to play and enjoy something.” She pauses. “It sounds depressing, but I’ve always been that way.” I can’t help but think that O’Brian’s relaxation sounds suspiciously like work. By her own admission, she’s type A, studious and goal-focused. And yet, chaos seeps in when she’s forced into a routine. “I do not like having a schedule,” she says. “If I had to go into a job at the same time every day, that would stress me out.” Even committing to queer kickball once a week became overwhelming. “I enjoyed meeting new people and finding at least a little bit of community in Los Angeles, which is really hard. But it stressed me out so much.” 

Naturally, the thought of signing away her freedom to do one TV show for years on end agitates her, too. However, with the possibility of having a baby on the horizon, a regular gig is becoming more appealing to the actor. Usually, O’Brian tells me, she prefers movies, because shooting often only lasts a few months. “I like that you constantly get to reinvent yourself,” she says. “It all feels very new and exciting.” But, though the family planning paperwork isn’t yet complete, O’Brian’s maternal instinct is already kicking in. “[TV] isn’t something to turn my nose up at because that responsibility outweighs my anxiety.” 

Even as her priorities change, one thing that never budges is the actor’s self-scrutiny. An “egregious” overthinker, O’Brian only watches her performances once — just enough to take note of what she wants to improve on. “I can’t stand to watch myself,” she declares. “I feel like I look like a caveman.” Although she liked her recent portrayal of boxer Lisa Holewyne in Christy, she still picked out weaknesses. The film follows Sydney Sweeney as Christy Martin, exploring her life in and out of the ring. “I felt my boxing scenes were kind of cut short, but I could see my posture in some of them,” O’Brian says. “There’s a very specific way boxers jump rope and I just never got that down. Thank God they didn’t show it very much!” 

It was a role that O’Brian found herself unexpectedly anxious about. As well as the responsibility of playing a real person, getting the call at such short notice meant she didn’t manage to fine-tune Holewyne’s accent or technique to the extent that she’d hoped. “It really felt like a get in, get out situation,” she says. “It was a big learning experience for me.” But O’Brian is determined to land more main roles in the future, as well as trying her hand at production. Maybe that’ll come in the form of the action film she aspires to lead with Viola Davis, who she once sat next to in a make-up chair but was too scared to talk to. “I want to redeem myself there,” she says with a wide smile.

Writing is something O’Brian wants to do more of, too. “I had a story that just came to me a year ago or so,” she injects as the final minutes of our interview time tick down. “I just woke up and started writing. I couldn’t stop.” The actor pauses. “I don’t know if it will go anywhere, or if it’s good at all, and I don’t really care.” She inhales sharply. “It’s just been a form of therapy. Finally, instead of playing stories over and over again in my head, I started writing them down. I feel less like a crazy person now.”