Icks, cheats and sneaky links: Why dating in ’23 is a minefield
Around 80 years ago, problems in relationships often boiled down to being away from one another for long periods of time with husbands going to war or just old-fashioned infidelity. Things have changed majorly since. The foundations of a healthy relationship are built on trust, communication and love, but these needs have never been challenged as much as they have in the digital age.
Technology, for all its merits, has introduced new dynamics that require couples to navigate an ever-loving landscape. Trust, once solely built on personal relationships and shared experiences, now extends into the digital realm, where the potential for misunderstandings, miscommunication, and the intrusion of privacy creates a need for a different kind of trust in the face of constant connectivity.
As a 24-year-old woman, my relationship with men has revolved around technology: I rely on it to maintain a relationship. But when things are going smoothly, I browse through their social media and find things that make me question them, their character and our relationship. But this isn’t some idividualistic expereience, in fact, I’m sure as you’re reading this you can think of at least one relationship where you’ve done the same (or every single one). Anastasia, 23, tells HUNGER: “Before things get serious with a man, I do a whole background check on them. Facebook, Twitter, everything. Every time I do this, I am proven right that they have been unfaithful in some way. A study by the Thriving Center of Psychology said that 18% of people have admitted to running a background check on their date online, and 29% have spent over 20 minutes researching their date online. While this may appear extreme, it’s a precaution many people believe necessary. For better or for worse, privacy has become a luxury of the past.
A growing number of individuals are taking to online communities to support and guide their relationships. The Facebook group ‘Are We Dating The Same Guy?’, founded in New York in 2022, has now expanded into a network of multiple groups, cities and people worldwide. The group’s operation and concept is simple: you send in a photo of the person you are dating and, provide some details about them, and wait for the information and advice to roll in. Joanna, 20, who was previously a member of the group, described her participation as a “need”. She goes on to say: “I just don’t trust men, and this is a way I feel comfortable enough to even consider trusting them.” In a survey by Cassell and Moore, they found of 1,000 married people, 10% do not trust their partners.
In the growing epidemic of trust, loyalty and privacy, TikToker Dani Bose has taken the role of mitigating these issues. Bose, creator of the series ‘Catching Cheaters’ (which does exactly what it says on the tin) on TikTok, has cultivated a thriving community of women she actively supports, receiving over 20,000 likes per video. Bose says: “The reason why I do this is because I see how much it helps girls and saves people from situations they didn’t even know were happening behind their back.” In one of her most shocking revelations, she claimed that a 53-year-old man – who had been married for 30 years – pretended to be widowed to have sex with a younger woman in a hotel room he had booked.
In an era where technology has profoundly altered the dynamics of modern relationships, it has also opened the doors to digital communications and surveillance. Technology has the power to start, build and maintain relationships, but also to hurt it. Navigating the ever changing landscape of modern love, the stories of love and commitment are punctuated by uncertainty, jealousy and concerns over privacy and trust. In an age where the world is just a click away, this ease of connecting can sometimes feel like a paradoxical sense of distance. Balancing the convenience and challenges of technology is the ongoing conundrum of our age, and striking the right balance between the benefits and drawbacks of technology remains a persistent challenge. The right balance will ultimately shape the future of love and commitment in a digital world that’s constantly changing.
