RoxXxan on identifying as a ‘tomboy’ and her long-awaited return to music
Nessa Humayun: Your last single came out in 2018, so it’s safe to say you’ve had a little break from music. Are you working on anything new at the moment?
RoxXxan: Yes! At the moment I’m in the studio with Mikey J, who is a sick producer. He’s just done all the music for Top Boy, but we’re recording now and gearing up for an autumn release. I’m looking forward to playing shows in the summer too.
NH: In 2019 you said that you had a new EP coming out, titled (For Her). Will this be part of the same project?
R: No, this is completely different. Unfortunately it’s just how the music industry goes. I created that whole EP, but when we went to put it out we discovered that I was still signed under Universal and they didn’t want me to release it. I had to leave the label and now I’m with Mikey, recording our own EP. It’s a shame. They wanted a Cardi B type and you’ll see that I’m not a really girlie kind of rapper [Laughs]. So we shook hands and parted ways, thank God.
NH: You’ve been open about the fact that the music industry can be a tough space to navigate if you’re someone who can’t easily be labelled. How have you found it recently?
R: I’m very lucky that a lot of people are interested in me, but they don’t really understand what to do when it comes to me as an artist. They just see a niche and that’s why I’m going off on my own. When I was growing up, I was inspired by the likes of Grace Jones and Skin [from Skunk Anansie], and there’s no one like that out there now. The closest the kids have is Doja Cat, but for me she’s just like Cardi B, in the sense that she likes to get up on stage and shake her bum. There’s nothing wrong with that, but some of us girls are tomboys and we want to hear the kind of stories that Lauryn Hill and Ms Dynamite were telling too. That’s more my vibe and now I just want to create an authentic place where people like me can exist freely.
NH: A few years ago you said that you primarily identify as a tomboy. Is that still true today?
R: One hundred per cent. But now I’m more likely to say I’m masculine. I own it more. I said I was a tomboy at the time because I was still afraid to step into my truth and own who I am entirely. I realised that I just have more masculine energy, but that I’m still she and her. I am proud to be a woman, but I’m this version of a woman. It all came from a place of experience and, actually, stepping into the modelling world. Back in 2019, I never thought that the fashion world was an option for me because of the way I look. So when I met people like Rankin who celebrated me for me, it was incredible. I’d never been told that I was beautiful before – it would always be, “You would be so beautiful if… ” A few years ago I was very angry, my music and sound were just filled with anger. Now it’s more about contentment and showcasing who I am.
NH: You come from a mixed-race background – your mother is Irish Catholic and your father is from the Caribbean. You’ve spoken about how they expected you to perform a very conventional kind of femininity – has this eased off as you’ve grown and become a success?
R: I love my parents but they are very old school. A lot of my being “different” was blamed on the fact that I moved to London when I was young. It would always be, “Oh, her hair’s short because she’s gone to London.” I was loved but I wasn’t celebrated – so many aspects of me were viewed as shameful.
NH: What was it like getting into music without that strong foundation of understanding and empathy?
R: I never realised it until recently, but it has really affected me. I would just go on my own to open mic nights in London and Birmingham, which is where I’m from. I would go, grab the mic, kill it and get shows. Because I came out as gay and I am an only child in a very traditional family, I had to find my family among the LGBTQIA+ community and the music industry. It’s hard because you always hear that the industry fucks you over and that you can’t trust it, but I didn’t have that experience. I’m just trying to float by and try to be as honest and nice as possible so people don’t fuck me over [Laughs.].
NH: Do you think there has been increased representation of the LGBTQIA+ community since you started out more than a decade ago?
R: Oh my God, I think it’s amazing. When I was growing up it was all about huge icons like Elton John and Boy George. To make it big you had to be really outrageous as a gay person in order to be accepted. I think it’s changed so much – I think we’re slowly getting where we need to be. Like, you can hear girls on the radio singing about loving other girls now! But there’s no representation when it comes to me yet. I don’t feel represented by any gays in the [music] industry. And if we speak about rap, there’s still a lot of misogyny and degrading lyrics when it comes to women too.
NH: What do you think sets you apart in a very crowded industry?
R: I live my truth. I’m quite fearless. I don’t mind being the only gay in the village, or the only gay in grime. And because I am quite masculine and my voice is deep, people do look over and they want to hear what I have to say.
NH: Grime is very male-dominated in the UK. How have you found it?
R: It’s so masculine. I think being from Birmingham has helped me, but I get respect from my peers because I’m respectful to them. I’m lucky that I haven’t suffered any major snubs. The guys in grime don’t like to pass the mic around on set, but I’ll grab it and just go.
NH: Finally, can you tell us what to expect from your new project?
R: My sound has evolved. I’m a lot calmer now because I don’t have a point to prove any more. I’m just telling stories and trying to connect with people, especially women like myself who feel forgotten by society and have not been made to feel beautiful. I’m also really looking forward to performing. I’m 32 now, and from the age of 29 to 31 I felt very embarrassed about my age, because I felt “old” and past it. Now I feel like I’ve just owned being 32 and being a woman. I mean, why would I be nervous? Society has made me feel like I’m too old to do something that is so natural to me. I want to show women that they don’t need to stop doing what they love at 24!
