Nxdia can’t sit still

Nxdia has never fit neatly into a box. The Egyptian-born, Manchester-bred musician once yearned to fit in — now, the twenty-five-year-old couldn’t give a damn. With their signature blonde-spattered afro, piercings and tattoos, Nxdia isn’t your conventional Arab, and has no desire to be anything other than themselves.  Being one of few queer, neurodivergent and non-binary diaspora artists, Nxdia’s fluidity radiates an authenticity that’s hard not to love. They refuse to bow down to arbitrary definitions of genre, never stopping in the same sound long enough to be pinned down, with the only constant being Nxdia’s voice seamlessly weaving between Arabic and English.

Debuting in 2023 with their EP, In The Flesh, Nxdia has already begun carving their path in the industry just two years on. Their song “She Likes a Boy” exploded last year for its candid exploration of queer unrequited love, racking up over sixty-fix million streams on Spotify. Now, their latest album, I Promise No One’s Watching, continues to blow fans away with its raw and gritty exploration of identity, desire and self-liberation. Nxdia’s ambition and desire to learn is insatiable, but one thing remains at the core of their work: honesty. It isn’t just a personal philosophy — it’s an integral foundation for their fandom to find solace in a shared vulnerability. “I want my writing to be embarrassingly true to a point where even if I am not fully comfortable sharing it,” Nxdia says. “I know at least there’s someone at the other end going, Yep, been there.”

With a sold-out headline tour just days away and a house move in full swing, ‘busy’ doesn’t cut it. But Nxdia thrives on the rush — it’s the sitting still that’s hard.

Congratulations on your sold-out tour. How are you feeling about it?

I actually haven’t been thinking about it because I’ve been moving house. I’ve just been thinking, Get through this, don’t forget a box, don’t leave anything behind. All of it is music equipment, so if I leave something behind, I’m kind of fucked. Every time someone mentions my tour, I’m like, Oh my god, there’s no way. 

What are your favourite songs from the new album? 

I switch through them depending on the day, but today, I’m really fucking with “Boo, Nevermind”. Whenever I hear it, it feels like such a big, fat middle finger. And I would like to be a big, fat middle finger today.

Personal style is a massive part of who you are as an artist. How have you gotten to this point in your journey of self-expression? 

I wore a lot of stuff that looked bad for a while. When you start to express yourself — whether it’s piercings, tattoos, anything that amends your physical appearance, how you dress, how you style your hair, anything you wear on your face — it’s so individual. Even amongst friends, when you talk about someone you think is objectively attractive, there’s debate, which is curious. Within conventions, you’d think there was a unanimous thing, but we’re all into different things, and we’re all fascinated by different things.

When I realised in high school that the things I liked maybe weren’t cool or I wasn’t supposed to be interested in them, I was like, If it works for me, and I have to like it, then I’m just going to have to be weird. I’m going to have to get over that hurdle quickly — and I did. I’m really proud of myself, because my mum was always adamant about being yourself and not forgetting your roots. She meant that in terms of my roots with Cairo and my background, but also knowing who I am and being unapologetic about what I liked, and doubling down on stuff rather than regretting it.

I wanted to ask you about the name of the tour versus the name of the album. The album’s called, I Promise No One’s Watching, but the tour is called, I Promise I’m Watching. What’s the reasoning behind that?

I think the mix tape was meant to reassure myself and others that no one’s watching and keeping a tally of every time you fail or go through a hard time. With this tour, I didn’t want it to say ‘I promise no one’s watching’, because I think being seen in a context that you want to be seen in is a really wonderful thing. A lot of us feel quite lonely or isolated because of how life is, regardless of how people portray themselves on social media. I wanted us to be really present, and I’ve got a lot of things planned for this tour. I’m really excited. I want it to feel like a safe space to be sad or happy or weird or whatever. 

What was it like growing up in Cairo, and then moving to Manchester and having to figure out life there?

It was gorgeous. Cairo is beautiful because my whole family’s there. I love when I visit because it feels familiar. The smell of the corn husks when they’re being grilled, or the place around the corner from my house that sells my favourite rings, or another place is my favourite to get rice pudding — it’s one of the best things ever that you’ve ever tasted. Egypt’s beautiful because the sense of community is just there. In my experience with Cairo, you don’t go incognito nearly as much as with London or Manchester. There’s a sense of privacy as you’re walking down the street here because people really mind their business. Whereas in Egypt, it’s so full of heart and nosiness. I feel really stared at in Egypt, but I also feel very safe. It’s funny, and I definitely don’t help myself by being absolutely covered in tattoos and piercings — it’s very unusual for the space.

When you’ve lived in different places and you’ve had the privilege of travelling, it just clicks that the world is a very big place, and you’re very small in the grand scheme of things. It’s difficult to remember when you’re amidst your problems and things feel awful. But sometimes when people talk to me about the world from the perspective of not having been in it or having lived in it outside of their hometown, I struggle sometimes.

You also sing in both Arabic and English. Was that a conscious decision, or did it just feel innate to do it?

It was definitely a decision, but it was spurred as a protest about how I felt about speaking in Arabic in front of non-Arabic speakers. I remember so vividly on the 256 bus in Manchester, my mum would call me on the way home sometimes from school, and she’d talk to me in Arabic. She made a conscious effort of speaking to us in Arabic a lot — it’s the only reason I can speak it as well as I can now. I remember whispering in Arabic back then, I think I just was so sick of hiding behind what I thought other people wanted from me. I was having a conversation with my friend under my stairs on the phone next to the dryer, and I told them I just want to write music in Arabic. I used to do it, and then someone told me not to and it knocked my confidence. And she was like, Just do it. You’re an adult, it’s just music, and I was like, Okay. It changed my life, and it made me feel so much closer to everything that I’m making.

I remember you doing this story time on TikTok about somebody gossiping about you in Arabic, not knowing you understood them. Does this still happen, and what’s your reaction to it now?

I love it. I feel like I’m in on the tea. Like, What do you think of me? I’m okay with people maybe not immediately thinking I’m Egyptian, if it means I get the gossip. I don’t care what you think of me. I just want to know. I’m nosy. I won’t be offended.

We tend to put our identity in arbitrary boxes, but you don’t subscribe to one thing. How has that journey been for you?

I think I’m still on that journey in a lot of ways. My mum helped instil that in me because I spent a lot of time with her growing up. It was me, my mum and my brother against the world for a very long time. My mum really knows who she is, and she’s such a particular person. She’s generous, she’s kind, she knows who she is and has never wavered from that. That’s been an example that I’ve seen all my life. I think, in the same way, my brain can’t really understand me trying to present in a different way. Music was such an escape for me to just write stuff in my journals. You mirror body language as a kid — there were so many times where, because of my ADHD or anxiety, I’d just copy the people around me, expecting their body language to elicit the same response, and for me to then pass as a normal, socially-functioning person, or funny in the same way that they did. It failed so miserably because I always did it in the wrong way, because it wasn’t authentic to me. So that, paired with my mum constantly telling me to be honest, remember who you are, don’t lie. I’m just trying to honour that. I’m so grateful for the mix tape for opening that door, but moving forward, I want the next thing to just absolutely kick the door open.

Middle Eastern parents get a bad reputation, but you hold your mum really highly in crediting who you are today.

It’s so important to show examples of a queer person of colour who’s Middle Eastern or Arab, who is out as gay publicly and not ostracised by their family. There’s this weird, tenuous thing that’s happening where liberation and being fully yourself means you completely step away from integral people in your life. I’d find it so difficult if I was a queer person in the closet, if I thought I’d have to leave my entire life behind. I love championing my mum and talking about her, because that’s a beautiful example of someone who knows me, sees everything, and loves me exactly as I am.

Going back to when you were growing up, what sort of musical influences did you have? 

There wasn’t a huge amount of music around me. As a child, I loved music and I was making it up and making noise all the time. I was writing a lot. I was introduced to artists like Tracy Chapman and Janis Joplin with the Pearl album. Hearing how it was super fun and on the nose, but also kind of political and tongue in cheek introduced me to what attracts me about poetry and songwriting now. Once I hit my teen years, I found Stromae, who I love. I think I listened to the album, Racine Carrée, a million times, and I still do all the time now. Paramore, My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy. I was amazed. I might have been nine or something when I saw the “So What” music video for P!nk. I saw she had short hair and was wearing clothes that aren’t completely girl clothes. It blew my mind. Seeing Gerard Way in eyeliner and make-up and him in that ridiculous little skirt — it was so lovely. There’s this whole different world where you can create and be anything you want to be.

Being neurodivergent, how do you stay on top of everything and manage your schedule?

If I’m being completely honest, I have two managers. The night before, I look at my calendar. I have no idea what’s in it. Friends will make plans with me. They’ll grab my phone and they’ll put it in my calendar. It’s the only thing I look at. It actually really helps with my ADHD, because you’re pulled in so many different ways. Some days I get to talk to really cool people like yourself, some days I’m doing gigs or writing. Some days it’s more on the fashion side — I just did London Fashion Week. It’s so interesting being able to use all these muscles. While I’m busy, everything is amazing. As soon as I have a week off, it’s gone.

What do you do when you have time off?

I hate it. I let my friends drag me around like a dog. I bought a tattoo gun — I’ve been tattooing my hand and I’m going for my legs next. I had some time off recently, which is why that even happened. So many of my friends relate to this. We talk about being obsessed with learning everything — crocheting, fashion design, sewing and embroidery, graphic design. There’s all this cool creative stuff that you want to be amazing at, so I think boredom for me just makes me regress to my fourteen-year-old self, and I just lock myself away and force myself to learn a new skill, or sit with my guitar sadly waiting for someone to ask me to play it.

You mention wanting to be good at everything. You play guitar, write your own music, sing, you’re bilingual — you’re doing that already.

Have you seen people making beaded animals? You can sew beaded animals together. I can’t do that. I also can’t dance, and I can’t professionally tattoo. I think it’s more that I’m so excited about learning. My song, “Nothing At All”, weirdly, was part of that. It nearly didn’t make it onto the mix tape, but it was my way of saying I want to know everything, but I’m okay with knowing nothing if it means at some point I will learn more. 

When you’re making music, do you intend for it to be for people who maybe feel a little bit outcast?

My song “She Likes a Boy” weirdly taught me a lot of things. I wrote that song because it was something that was in my head constantly for months. I kept reading this journal entry that gave birth to the song. I wrote it, clipped it and put it online. I thought nothing of it. When that blew up, I was so surprised because I felt a bit embarrassed about the whole concept. I’d been rejected, and I hadn’t even realised then. It was a weird, vulnerable thing to be this idiot who doesn’t know they’re a lesbian, and is in love with their friend who’s not a lesbian. There was such an outpour of love and understanding and people taking it in their own personal way. The more personal I can be in songs, the more I can write about things that I am genuinely feeling. I have to sit there and understand that I’m not unique in that feeling, and that’s an amazing thing. I want to have my music be embarrassingly true to a point where, even if I’m not fully comfortable sharing it, I know at least there’s someone at the other end going, Yep, been there, I feel that, or, Thank God I’m not the only one. We’re all in this together, and I love my community. They’re so cool and funny. I want to be honest with them in the same way they’re honest with me.

What’s coming in the future for Nxdia?

I’ve had such a beautiful, amazing year with so many live shows, festivals that have been bucket list ones for me, with Reading, Leeds and amazing festivals abroad like BitterSweet. But I’m so excited to dive in and start writing again. I’ve got all these videos from my time in Egypt two years ago when I went to Luxor and Aswan. I visited my family in Cairo and went to my family home, and did all these random interviews with a camcorder. It was when “She Likes a Boy” was blowing up, so I already didn’t have any time. I just wanted to do something for myself, because my home and family are very special. I want to integrate everything. I’m really excited for that, because no one’s seen it except my near and dear.